the din of my own thoughts

justification for why i work short days

2011-05-10T09:16:00.000-05:00

and don't have a tv.
Via: Medical Billing And Coding

i'm tired of doing showings

2010-11-12T19:33:00.001-06:00

somebody buy my house, please.

target field is lonely

2010-10-18T20:18:00.001-05:00

only the maintenance crew keeping it company, until next spring.

sartorial madness

2010-09-29T16:48:00.004-05:00

so i bought this shirt.

apparently they now have age limits on them.

road work ahead?

2010-09-14T21:57:00.002-05:00

some people's kids...

blast from the past

2010-06-16T12:17:00.003-05:00

while doing a little cleaning/purging, i found some old franklin planner notes. it was from my trip to memphis, when i played in the racquetball u.s. open. i'm throwing away the paper, so here are my notes transcribed to blog form for posterity.

monday, november 13, 2000

picked up kelly

took i-90 to chicago

passed the dodge neon plant and many toll booths

[we missed our turn and went several miles out of our way - we never should have been anywhere near the neon plant]

stayed with heather [college roommate], greg [hubby], kaela [daughter] and guinness [weiner dog]

tuesday, november 14, 2000

made it to memphis

ate at cooker's bar and grill

great waitress named kathleen (gave us a booth)

wednesday, november 15, 2000

first match: pro qualifying

lost to stephanie from alaska, 21-10, 13, 15

new rules! [best of 5 games to 21 with rally scoring. wtf?!]

went to graceland

kelly grilled me at bennigan's [although i can't remember about what now. should have been less cryptic, i guess.]

thursday, november 16, 2000

watched matches - no play for either of us

ate at cooker again - had kathleen again

drove thru beale street

lost $$ at casino

new mantra (from kathleen): i'm better than you; just get over it.

friday, november 17, 2000

no matches for me

kelly loses to texan - doesn't play very well

kelly wins 1st round in 40s vs. marianne walsh (aka diver) [isn't 40 a little old to be diving? was kelly's comment]

kelly hits pro-quality backhand [this was the best shot i've ever seen her hit. i cheered for her and the girl sitting next to me turns to me and says, "they can't hear you." the courts were fully enclosed. later on kel confirms that she indeed did not hear me.]

saturday, november 18, 2000

8am kelly loses to linda moore 11-15, 12-15. she played well. wasn't happy with me for calling an avoidable at 12-12 in game 2. [how the heck did they talk me into reffing, anyway?]

11:15 i lose to lorraine galloway 1-15, 1-15. man, these girls are good!

started on our way home.

didn't get lost.

spent the night in springfield, il

3am insomnia. wow.

sunday, november 19, 2000

lots of cars all over - the roads are slick. one upside down, one on its side. many turned around or in ditch.

we both are home safely.

so far, so good - not

2010-05-27T11:37:00.003-05:00

if i could get as much paint on the ceiling as i can on myself and the floor, i might have something.

the mister

2010-05-06T20:03:00.003-05:00

first, an observation: "they" clearly know too much about me. it's kinda creepy.

i was in a car accident a couple of weeks ago, and have gotten about a half dozen letters from local chiropractors. so far, i have four hours of free massages coming to me. woo hoo.

and now that i put my house on the market, i'm getting all sorts of letters from moving companies. one in particular stood out, as it was address to mr. and mrs. kimberly wapola. clearly, no household is complete without a mr.

actually, based on the fact that i was happy to have leftovers so i wouldn't have to cook tonight, i would be much better served with a mrs.

if you feel like giving feedback, you can contact michael farber at mfarber@graebel.com to let him know that you either think he's: a) a genius for giving me proper respect as the head of the household, or b) an idiot.

needed that laugh

2010-01-27T16:46:00.006-06:00

i've been a little crabby lately. i just can't deal. however, the first two lines of the song "a line in the dirt" by the eels made me laugh out loud. i needed that.

she locked herself in the bathroom again

so i am pissing in the yard

the entire song is actually pretty sad, but that doesn't take away the therapeutic nature of visualizing some poor guy taking a wizz outside in the middle of winter.

maybe things aren't that bad after all.

so much for that resolution

2010-01-21T18:17:00.002-06:00

well, i blew right past my new year's resolution, and didn't realize it until two days later. oops.

but really, 7 isn't that much bigger than 2, is it?

new year's resolution

2010-01-03T22:48:00.002-06:00

first, let me just say that if the first three days of 2010 are any indication, this is going to be a fabulous year.

so, with a new year comes a new resolution. *drumroll* i resolve to drink no more than two days in a row.

no exceptions.

not even for bonspiels.

maybe i should have made it three. darn.

patches are in!

2009-12-06T16:31:00.002-06:00

yippee! we're going to the big show.

easy entry into it this year; lots of teams took the year off, since last year's bonspiel determined the olympic team.

and while they're resting, we'll take this opportunity to prepare ourselves for world domination.

baby steps.

discovering that less is more

2009-11-16T18:15:00.003-06:00

sometimes, multitasking is not a good idea. sometimes just relaxing and taking your time and enjoying what you're doing is the best choice.

case in point: you are making waffles on a sunday morning. experts now recommend not straying from your waffle maker post - especially not for engrossing tasks like e-mail - which may result in lost track of time and a burnt breakfast.

in case you didn't look closely enough, the waffle is still in the maker.

very clever

2009-11-09T12:46:00.002-06:00

i just saw a woman look down at her shoe. the lace was untied. she tried to put her leg up on the chair to tie it, but the chair was too high for her (she's a senior citizen). so, she puts her foot back on the ground. she takes off the offending shoe. she bends over, picks up the shoe, puts it on the chair, and ties the laces. then puts the shoe back on the ground and slips her foot back into the shoe.

gotta give her credit for ingenuity. but not for proper facilitation of the shoe/foot attachment mechanism.

this is going to look really good in my freezer

2009-10-18T11:34:00.003-05:00

nothing like a trophy to make all the aches and pains worth it. the finals went to a tiebreaker - credit to kerry and natalie, who played very well - but we came back from 3-8 in the breaker to win 11-8.

a big, big thanks to jill, who agreed to play with me even though it meant playing three events.

i think i can retire now. :)

why i'm not a morc member

2009-09-14T09:26:00.003-05:00

there is a local mountain bike organization (morc) that builds and maintains the trails in the area. i joined a few years ago, and gleefully received a quarterly newsletter. then, one day, i mused that i hadn't seen a newsletter in a while. sure enough, my membership had unceremoniously expired.

i joined again.

one day, i mused that i hadn't seen a newsletter in a while. i didn't do anything about it.

one day, i received an e-mail from someone, letting me know how to renew my membership online. the link he provided didn't work.

today, i received a piece of mail from morc. it was dated september 7, 2009. they informed me that my membership had expired. on 12/31/2006.

this tardy, one-page letter, misspelled my name. it also spoke of the many wonderful services morc provides. it stated they would be honored if i would renew my membership.

so honored, that they didn't include a paper membership renewal form, or even a url to register online.

i give up. ok, i gave up three years ago.

there are lots of worthy causes that want donations, morc being one of them. but until they can demonstrate that they are even minimally competent with their administration, my money will go elsewhere.

moved to write again

2009-09-06T19:40:00.002-05:00

that was a nice sabbatical. i got a lot accomplished, and although my work is not done and posts will probably be few and far between, i'll start back up again.

here's the impetus: i wonder that the f*ck is wrong with people.

i posted and ad on craigslist to have some sheetrock put up. up until today, i've had only good experiences with craigslist, and will still continue to use it. but here is one of the responses i got (from lisabreckland@aol.com - feel free to spam her - i have no idea who she is). it really made me wonder, wtf... and is profound evidence of why i like most dogs better than most people.

title: ITS COOL AID

content: WOW A WHITE BOY AD, DAMN WONDER IF U STARTED EATING CORN BREAD TOO,

U OUTTA TAKE UR BITTERNESS AND TAKE UR MEDICINE NOW, AND I BET U MAKE BETWEEN 10-14 AN HOUR AND POSSIBLY SMOKE THE CIGS, LOL... WOW

for reference, here is the ad i posted.

title: Need Sheetrock Hung

content: Looking to start the work on or shortly after September 10. Approximately a 550sf area, consisting of closet, bath, and u-shaped rooms/hallway. Sloped ceiling. No tear off work. Please contact Kim at 651.402.6467 to schedule a time to see the site and place a bid.

sabbatical

2009-06-16T10:07:00.002-05:00

there are only so many hours in a day. so, in order to concentrate on actually accomplishing my big fat list of goals for 2009, something needs to go. hence, i'm taking a sabbatical from this blog.

i'll still be posting to the little life and work hacks blog. and maintaining peanut's blog is a must for the greater good of all dogkind [watch for a site to be up by the end of the year, where she'll sell items, with proceeds going to animal causes]. and continuing to recount tales of all things romantic on barni the bus [watch for an online store].

3...2...1...go!

odes to vice and consequences

2009-06-07T22:32:00.002-05:00

i didn't enjoy a glass of wine while listening, as was recommended in the sidebar, but this is still the best video - because of the audio - i've heard in a long time. altogether too rare a grand performance. 17 minutes.

my will to rant has finally returned

2009-06-04T19:14:00.006-05:00

i normally don't like to be negative. well, except to say that i hate negative people.

however, another faction has now gotten my dander up: people who make assumptions.

there's the old adage that people use (when you assume you make an ass out of u and me). apparently few people heed this message. so you all the u's out there:

i hate people that assume because you don't have a job that you don't work. being self-employed is five times more work than having a job. it's just countered by being five times more rewarding. and a much higher dollar to hour ratio.

i hate people that assume because they aren't capable of doing something, that you are not.

i hate people who claim to be your friend but don't bother to try to get to know you.

i hate people who assume i had a standard upbringing. (see previous gripe)

i hate people who text/apply makeup and drive. have the common decency to respect the well being of other people on the road.

i hate people that think they are more important than anybody else.*

i hate people who don't respect time as your most valuable - and non-renewable - resource.

thank you for your time, gentle reader.

*you aren't. if you need proof, just check with any dog; i bet they like any bum on the street just as much as you.

owie

2009-05-27T12:58:00.005-05:00

so. i'm working on my front stoop.* about which i proudly state: if you don't look too close, it don't look too bad. well, on sunday i put in the deck rails. at the end of the day i was whining because my hand hurt.

see, i was using a drill to put the screws in, and once the bit gets a bit chewed up, you have to press harder to keep it in place. so i pressed hard to screw the screws in. really hard.

guess maybe it would have behooved me to make a little trip to the hardware store and just buy a new bit.

*by working on it, i mean building it from the ground up

olive oil revisited

2009-05-09T20:01:00.003-05:00

my last post was a little one-sided. there was an up side to using olive oil as a moisturizer. here are a few more observations, other than it's tasty:

it did indeed leave my skin baby soft.
recommendation: dilute with water (try 1:1) before slathering it on.
a little big goes a long way, so just mix up a tsp. or so (if you make it fresh each time).
it does not leave your skin feeling greasy.
note: the pores on your face and hands are smaller, so while it'll soak in almost immediately over the rest of your body, it'll take 10-15 minutes for your face and hands to make the transition from a glossy to satin finish.
this is more of a heavy duty treatment; good for wintertime.

olive oil

2009-05-07T18:56:00.003-05:00

so i've noticed a couple of articles recently talking about using olive oil as a moisturizer. i'm always up for a good home remedy adventure, so i decided to try it.

i do not recommend it.

at least if you have a little dog. little dogs think olive oil is tasty.

albino squirrel

2009-04-21T14:55:00.004-05:00

ooh! there is an albino squirrel in the neighborhood.

also in the photo, more of peanut's excavation work.

[oops, forgot to turn the flash off as i was taking this with the camera pressed up against my window]

ducks

2009-04-17T11:01:00.003-05:00

peanut was quite interested in the ducks walking across the yard. fortunately, she didn't bark, so they just continued to amble along. it makes me happy to see wildlife around; perhaps the planet is not doom'd yet.

p.s. wonder who the jerk is that's eating the bark off of that tree?

an extraordinary example

2009-04-16T14:58:00.005-05:00

of why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. wow.

a call for help - what is this?

2009-04-12T17:23:00.002-05:00

for years, this green stick plant thing has been cohabiting with my hibiscus. i have no idea what it is. does anyone else know?

anyone? anyone? bueller?

until i hear otherwise, i'm convinced that it's a plant form that has been previously undiscovered in the history of mankind. i'm anticipating much fame and fortune.

i love surprises

2009-04-02T18:38:00.005-05:00

a few weeks ago i curled in the u.s. club national bonspiel. one of the traditions of a bonspiel is to exchange club pins with your opponents. some of the teams didn't have pins for one reason or another. it was completely out of mind that i'd given my name and address to the skip of the california team so that she could send pins when they came in. but today, there was a small package in my mailbox. yippee!

they were hard to photograph, because flash created one big glare, and i was too lazy to dig out the tripod. but the red lettering says, "where we curl like stars and do all our own stunts!" they are quite large by curling club pin standards, shiny, and non-traditional in styling. love 'em!

water footprint

2009-03-19T14:08:00.004-05:00

most people are aware of their direct water use, but often are not aware of indirect use, meaning the amount of water it takes to grow/produce a product before it gets to you.

check out the eye-opening chart on good magazine's web site.

one more reason to skip the beef.

so sorry to part

2009-02-27T16:46:00.003-06:00

apparently i need to clean out my condiment shelf a little more often. i found this sweet & sour sauce in the door. check out the expiration date on the label.

somewhat disturbingly, it wasn't even moldy or anything. i may have found something to rival the half life of a twinkie.

dating services

2009-02-26T13:47:00.001-06:00

i have discovered a new favorite columnist, susan deitz. here is what she has to say about dating services:

"Paying for a social life is an affront to human dignity — a crime that should merit punishment: something on the order of, say, being pushed into first dates with complete strangers after paying exorbitant fees for the privilege. Of all the indignities suffered by the unmarried (and there are a few), having to pay for a social life — usually feeble, half-baked and leading nowhere — may be the biggest."

if this made you chuckle, check out the full article.

happy iqd!

2009-02-14T09:55:00.001-06:00

i hope everyone enjoys international quirkyalone day!

i hate getting ripped off

2009-02-10T10:38:00.004-06:00

my furnace went out on friday. it's february in minnesota. brrr.

i thought it may be the thermocouple, so i went to white bear heating and cooling, where i had purchased a thermocouple before. the door was locked. it was lunchtime. i called the number on the van, and voice mail said they were closed until monday. damn. i went to ace hardware, found the part, replaced it, relit the pilot. goody.

a few hours later, the furnace went out again.

repeat this over the weekend so i don't have to pay a ton of money for an emergency service call.

monday morning comes, i call wbh&c. someone comes out and cleans stuff out. the furnace is now again working. cost: $155.00

overnight, the furnace went out again.

this morning i call wbh&c again. this time the guy replaces the gas valve. the furnace works. currently, anyway. cost: $50 for time, no trip charge, and $265 for part #36C03-300, for a total of $315.00.

$265 seemed high. so looked up on the internet, and found the "list price" to be $82.80, and found it to be on sale for $69.

f*ckers.

a win-win situation

2009-02-08T19:02:00.003-06:00

sometimes, if you pay attention, you will find good things.

i've been buying these overpriced single serving brownies that cost $2.99. i typically don't pay attention to how much things cost, because i buy mostly organic items, and people who do this just can't be too bothered with cost as the primary factor in purchases. but i did happen to notice that brownie mix - which would make an 8x8 pan of brownies - was only $1.09.

heck, for almost 1/3 of the price, i can not only have brownies for myself, but have plenty to share.

as long as i don't eat them all tonight, that is...

the tao of patches

2009-01-23T16:45:00.004-06:00

i'm here to announce that i received a patch in the mail today. and it really made my day.

food trivia

2009-01-23T16:35:00.003-06:00

i bought some ready-to-eat-after-two-minutes-in-the-microwave indian food.* the outside of the box boasted: food trivia inside. i couldn't wait to see what kind of little-known tidbit i'd learn.

*perhaps by the end of the year i'll know how to make some

bumper sticker

2009-01-23T11:04:00.004-06:00

i saw a bumper sticker this morning. it read: "i pray. get use to it."

used, people. used.

i'm not sure who i am mocking more... the person who made the bumper sticker, or the ones who put it on their cars?

postpone dtv?

2009-01-08T21:27:00.004-06:00

ok, the latest news story is that our president-elect wants to postpone the switch from analog to digital broadcasting. that's fine with me. keeps my 4" b/w sony watchman a useful item for a while longer.

however, i think the rationale for the delay is getting a bit over-dramatic. officials are concerned that the government isn't doing enough to help rural, poor and minority communities with the transition.

apparently reminding us every 30 minutes isn't enough.

but wait. the entreaty goes on. according to john podesta, "With coupons unavailable, support and education insufficient, and the most vulnerable Americans exposed, I urge you to consider a change to the legislatively mandated analog cutoff date."

and the most vulnerable americans exposed?!

ohferchrissakes.

this isn't some pandemic disease. they're losing their tv signal. big deal. if you want to watch tv that badly, go visit a friend and watch their tv. the social interaction* will do you good.

better yet, get a life. stop watching tv and go for a walk (unless you're scared of losing the fat ass). or play a game with your kids. maybe hit the slopes. or read my blogs. something. anything.

just anything.

*i'm pretty sure gazing at a glowing box while not talking to each other counts as social interaction

resolution for 2009

2009-01-01T11:51:00.005-06:00

in 2009, i resolve to fulfill my destiny.

about thirty years ago (i was ten or so), i received a gift: the encyclopedia of cooking. the few people who know me from childhood will not be surprised by this. my grandmother was a renowned (locally, anyway) cook and baker. at a tender age, i was stirring the fudge, rolling out the cookie dough, mashing potatoes, and measuring teaspoons by hand. i was being groomed to continue the legacy.

fast forward to 2008. my grandmother would roll over in her grave if she knew how little i cook.

i happened to dig the 18 volume set out from the attic last summer because i was remodeling. instead of putting the boxed up books in the basement, i placed the books in my kitchen. i knew it was time to pick up where i'd left off so many years ago.

in 2009, i resolve to make one dish from each volume of my encyclopedia of cooking.

new year's resolution

2008-12-28T10:32:00.002-06:00

anyone who knows me well knows that i think new year's resolutions are, politely put, a crock of hooey - especially the ones that involve weight loss.* just because it's the new year, it doesn't mean anything is different. as one of my favorite quotes goes, "when you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when you'll change."

one's sick-and-tiredness rarely coincides with the dawning of the new year.

but i like to go along with the crowd,** so each year i set a resolution in a bit of solidarity. for example: eat one vegetable a week.

a bit on goal-setting. give yourself every opportunity to achieve your goal by making it a s.m.a.r.t. one. smart stands for specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound. let's revisit one vegetable a week. the goal was specific - eat veggies. the goal was measurable - one. the goal was achievable. the goal was realistic. the goal was time-bound - every week. perfect!

some other smart goals have been: eat at an alphabet of new (to me) restaurants in 2007 - which was harder than i expected; it took a lot of research and planning and asking people to dinn'r. that one was followed up with stay at home one night a week in 2008 - also harder than i expected.

with 2009 just around the corner, it's time to take the time to consider an appropriate resolution for 2009. nap on the couch with the dog once a week? drink no more than 300 days in 2009? go to church for a service other than christmas or easter? visit a new state? ride my bikes 2000 miles?

hhmmmm....

*a special note to everyone who works out regularly: hang in there, they'll be gone by mid-february
**uproarious laughter

what is up with lollipop?

2008-12-10T00:13:00.003-06:00

have you ever noticed that once in a while an unusual word will suddenly be in tons of popular songs? currently, several songs have the word lollipop in them. the word lollipop hasn't been used since the 50s (lollipop, lollipop, oh, lolli-lollipop), and now several pop songs in the past year have included the word.

this makes me wonder.

is there some sort of annual songwriting convention that takes place, where they say: okay, here is your word for the year. if you incorporate this word into a song and it makes the top 20, you'll get a million dollar bonus.

anybody have any insider information on this? anyone, anyone?

banished from existence

2008-12-07T14:36:00.004-06:00

i was checking out the 10-day weather forecast, and i discovered that thursdays no longer exist. huh. guess i was totally out of the loop on this one. maybe i should start reading the newspaper more often.

the good news is, tomorrow is friday.

prop 8, the musical

2008-12-04T20:23:00.004-06:00

got this video from karen. it's too good not to share. enjoy.

what once was lost, now is found

2008-11-30T20:01:00.004-06:00

i was snacking on some chips and salsa, and got salsa on my pants. so i dug out a clean pair of sweatpants and donned them. but something wasn't right. it felt like i was wearing a super-maxi pad from the 70s. so i check out my crotch and find my missing wool sock. goodie! all socks have their mates once again.

opportunity knocking, but apparently nobody is home

2008-11-25T08:29:00.003-06:00

i saw a news story yesterday about how the most popular gift item - the gift card - is now an endangered species. what the? why?

well, it turns out that in these dire economic times, people are actually planning on spending less money this holiday season [[shock]]. the story went on to reveal that americans plan to buy items that are on sale. and gift cards don't go on sale.

so my first observation is that people are cracked (yah, like you didn't know i thought this already). if you like someone well enough to give them a gift, why in the heck would you choose their gift based on whether or not it's on sale, rather whether or not it's something they'd want/need/like?!

second, gift cards are a great deal for a company. they get the benefit of having your money right away, without the detriment of giving up any product in return for it. 50% of cards are redeemed within 30 days, and 90% are redeemed withing 90 days. some are never redeemed. so why - why - wouldn't any retailer see that it's in their best interest to offer, say, 10% off on gift cards? to make it worthwhile, they could even put a limit on it to entice larger purchases, like if the card is $50 or more, you get 10% off. people would eat it up!

i'm convinced retailers are daft.*

*i love that word

crazy like a fox

2008-11-22T08:02:00.004-06:00

i've lived in this house for 16 years, and yesterday i saw something that i've never seen before: a fox. right in my yard, too! he was pretty small, 15 pounds maybe, pretty mangy looking, and was hopping along on 3 legs. poor critter. i hope his foot mends before he starves. maybe i should leave some kibble outside.

dry spell

2008-11-20T11:15:00.002-06:00

i wonder why it is that sometimes i can come up with multiple things in a day to write about, and then for days or weeks on end, i can't come up with anything to say. i'm in a bit of a dry spell on blog ideas. things must be going pretty well, because i'm not finding things to rant on about. but things are also very stable, so i have nothing new to wax poetic about. i'm curling. i'm racquetballing. i'm climbing. yeah, yeah. same as last winter. everybody has already heard about my dog. i'm broke, but i'm not willing to get a job quite yet, so there aren't many sympathy points available.

okay, so one noteable thing. i was in the chiro's office, and i saw my chiro talking to this guy. from the way they were talking, they were obviously friends. the guy turns to look at me, and darned if he wasn't the guy that steve and i got into a fight with on the golf course a few years back (in case you hadn't heard this story, this was literally a fight, with the police showing up and everything. after exchanging words an hour and a half earlier, two guys blindsided steve and coldcocked him by the clubhouse. it was 2 on 1, so i had to help my friend out). it was then i realized why my chiropractor looked kind of familiar. he was one of the foursome.

time to look for a new chiropractor. open to suggestions.

that's technology for you

2008-11-13T11:14:00.003-06:00

sometimes the old way is the best way...

write or die

2008-11-10T11:59:00.005-06:00

	116

6

lab.drwicked.com

this blog post is being created in an ingenious web app called write or die. i have set a goal for myself of 100 words in 20 minutes. even though this is an extremely achievable goal, it will definitely keep me from over-editing.

lol! okay, so i stopped typing for like 30 seconds, and the background started changing color and music started to play (i can't remember the artist, but he sang about "never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down..." once i started typing again, the page went back to normal. this is awesome! there is a done button, and once you are all done, you simply click it and...

...you get the option to copy everything to the clipboard, and you paste it in to your blog. note that the text in the box is the above box. keep scrolling down to the bottom to get the text you actually wrote.

nothing like a little change to put the spark back into blogging.

[addendum]
i don't want to spoil your fun, so i'll just encourage you to play with the grace period settings (evil = don't stop typing for even one second, honey) and the modes. rick astley was the artist singing in normal mode, although other audio gets played, too; you get a pop-up reminder in gentle mode. i wonder what happens in kamikaze mode...

preparing for election day - i wish the candidates would help

2008-11-03T09:56:00.003-06:00

it happens every time. i know who to vote for in the senate race (pffft - nobody). i know who to vote for in the presidential race. i know who i want for u.s. and state reps. after that, it gets fuzzy.

who is running for the school board? commissioner? justice? judge? i get to the voting booth and make uninformed choices, because i'm uninformed about the local candidates.

well, this year i decided to be totally prepared, so i went online to see exactly what my ballot will look like. no stopping me now.

except that less than half of the people running for local office even have a web site! this is ridiculous! how can you run for an office - even the school board - without putting together a web site of some sort? it's not expensive, it's not hard, it's just (in my humble opinion) lazy and inexcusable.

if i can't find out about you, it's not very likely i'm going to vote for you. so get with it, you chumps!*

*seems that somebody is ready for the election to be done.

pretty

2008-10-29T22:04:00.004-05:00

i must once again wax poetic about beer.

tonight, i had no intention of having a beer, but as the evening progressed, and i'd hauled in some firewood (which my neighbor "stole" and had to return - they'd left it on his lawn because of the dumpster in my driveway, and he was also expecting a delivery), i decided that a trip the local liquor store was in order.

on a side note, i love living in washington county, where the liquor stores are open until 10pm every day! it has made me gleeful on many occasions.

so anyway, i was duly rewarded for my trip - some winter brews were in already! yippee! i picked up winterhook, and it's wonderful. it has a full bodied, complex flavor, with hints of chocolate and caramel. mmm-mmmm. one of my perennial favorites.

but that's not all! the bottle is beautiful! just take a look at the photo. there is a sharp-looking dual label that bounds hops-in-relief that circle the midsection of the bottle. the redhook logo is also textured on the bottle.

i am so happy with my purchase.

i'm glad that the little things can still make me happy. life is awesome that way.

offer ends 10/31

2008-10-27T13:23:00.002-05:00

from the dumb little man: get a $25 gift certificate to a restaurant for $2.
details here: http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/10/how-to-get-25-gift-certificate-for-2.html
caveat: restaurant.com seems to be down at the moment. the servers probably went down because everyone who reads dlm is trying it out.

of eyebrows and regrets

2008-10-26T23:25:00.004-05:00

i think i laughed out loud when i read the following sentence in a magazine: "one of my biggest regrets in life: over-plucking my eyebrows."

let us keep a small bit of perspective here. it is statistically probable that today, some people gambled away their life savings. some folks behaved badly and got fired. some driver talking on the phone hit and killed someone.

honey, if your eyebrows are one of your biggest regrets, you are one of the most fortunate people ever to live.

that said, over-plucking is certainly a personal grooming tragedy. i've personally never found the pencil-line brows to be the least bit attractive, but that's just me. i had a girfriend that religiously waxed her eyebrows, and occasionally overdid the tails to nothing, looking a little like spock. rowr - not. however, professionally shaped and groomed eyebrows are certainly quite nice. kristian alfonso gets my vote for best eyebrows ever.

so if you are reading this and you are vain ;) and you live in the st. paul/minneapolis area, you can visit extrados to discover a brow shape that will complement your face shape and structure.

doing something else

2008-10-26T12:11:00.002-05:00

can anyone explain the psychology of feeling like you should be doing something else? if i go climbing, it nags me that i'm not working on the house. if i work on the house, i feel like i should be doing grading. if i'm grading papers, i bemoan the fact that i won't be able to ride. if i ride, i think maybe i should have spent the time working on barni the bus. if i work on barni, i'm ignoring the puppy.

and so on.

perhaps i should go climbing instead of sitting her blogging.

the secret

2008-10-23T22:53:00.002-05:00

the secret movie is online. the basic premise is that of the laws of attraction. you attract what you think. thoughts become things.

one point they make that i especially like is that if you get all stressed about how you don't want to be late, you will probably be late, because the universe hears you focusing on lateness. i was just talking with the opposing skip yesterday about how i never say "don't be light" - because all they hear is light. i'll always say "it's okay to be heavy."

if you think physics and metaphysics and you are all interrelated, check the movie out.

caveat: no full screen mode.

time warp

2008-10-19T21:10:00.003-05:00

have you ever (of course you have) done something that was a flashback from another time? just this morning i was doing laundry. i started up the machine, then poured my liquid soap into the cap. i filled the cap.

whoa, honey! we haven't done soap that way since the last millennium.

where did that come from? what made my brain dig back two decades to a time when the appropriate tide dosage equated to fill-er-up? why did this happen today? now that this latent memory has been refreshed, will it happen again tomorrow? has my innate ability to handle mundane autopilot tasks been undermined? sheesh.

perhaps my inner bobby brady is just manifesting itself.

tough getting old and (more) senile

2008-10-14T20:28:00.003-05:00

does it ever happen to you (of course it does, this is a rhetorical question), where you simply can't remember a word? and a fairly common word? i was trying to remember a word earlier, and for the life of me just couldn't come up with it.

it means to not have sex.*

sobriety was the only word coming to mind. obviously not it.

abstinence. yes, you could practice abstinence, but that still wasn't it.

total blank.

about 15 minutes later, the light bulb finally came on.

celibacy! that was it!

good thing i've been senile since birth, or i'd worry that i was losing my marbles.

*yah, i know. why would i even need to use such a word? pretty silly. but anyway.

gratuitous post

2008-10-12T22:11:00.003-05:00

i need to do a post just out of principle. so put on your blog goggles.*

i'm finally semi-retired again. no more day job, just teaching two classes at hennepin tech. i wish i hadn't still been working at the start of the semester. i want to cry every time i think of how far behind i am on grading.

and the weather has been holding up, but i've still not got the upstairs insulated. or wired, which needs to be done before i can finish insulating. or internally framed, which needs to be done before i can do wiring. on the up side, the outside is almost finished. just a few dabs** of paint left.

on the simple dollar blog, trent reviewed a book called a perfect mess, professing that sometimes disorder is better than order. while i have historically been a pretty tidy person, i've had to learn to live with disarray while in the midst of remodeling. i'll have to check out the book to help me cope. or at least feel better about my loss of order.

until my blogging mojo is back, peace out.

*cousin of beer goggles
** to the untrained eye of someone who is not doing the work

political stupidity: a response

2008-09-29T22:42:00.004-05:00

i've been so happy/busy since i got my new puppy that i haven't had much motivation to write. but thanks to snakebite's latest post, i'm back on the ranting bandwagon!

snakebite opens with concerns about his tax dollars being wasted. he proposes the retaliatory idea of voting against incumbents across the board, with no exceptions.

oh, come now.

let's think about this for a minute. these people are being paid with our tax dollars. do we really want 100% rookies in their positions? i personally don't want my tax dollars being used for ojt.

completely cleaning house means bootstrapping a government. surely, anyone can see that this would not be cheap or easy. but now that i think of it...heck, if we start all over, we could just axe democracy altogether. since democrats and republicans can't get along*, we could test the waters of totalitarian-ism and see how that goes? or better yet, anarchy! to heck with any government at all!

okay, recall if you will the saying about throwing the baby out with the bathwater. necessarily, those parties whom you feel are doing a good job would also not be in office. [shush! don't tell me that nobody in office is working toward goals that match your social or economic belief system.] i personally wouldn't trade amy klobuchar in. maybe you (erroneously ;) feel the same way about michael jackson's twin in congress. snakebite, as a cyclist who has eschewed automobile ownership, would you really want to dismiss denny rehberg, who is backs the bicycle commuter bill?

pffffft.

there are a lot of things wrong with our government, but there are plenty of things right with it, too.

*we're a 2-party system, no?

tip of the day: always carry your digital camera

2008-09-25T11:12:00.005-05:00

always.

i do not have my camera with me today. so of course, just a few minutes ago i witnessed the shortest parade ever. it was three floats and one marching band long. the band was playing rudolph the red nosed reindeer. they were going down nicollet avenue in downtown minneapolis.

i am not making this up.

really!

peanut's blog

2008-09-23T08:21:00.002-05:00

like any good dog mom, i want to make sure my pup has every advantage in life. i'll scrimp and save so she can go to the finest schools...and have a blog.

the blog part is so that i don't junk up this blog with puppy reports. every day is a new day when you're little and discovering a new world, so there is lots to say. you can check out what peanut (her name now, but if i can find a good-sounding native american name that means "little deer" it may still change) is up to here.

it's a girl!

2008-09-20T16:38:00.005-05:00

introducing my new 4-legged kid, peanut.

she is a terrier mix, about 3-1/2 months old. so far i have determined that she needs a bath *pew* and if she doesn't want to go somewhere, she plays donkey by lying down rather than sitting. and she doesn't know any commands. *sigh*

she knows what no means, though. :)

she is from saint martin (the caribbean). she and her littermates were left in a box for trash pickup. luckily, somebody heard the pups crying and they were saved.

i have half a mind to change her name to eeyore because she likes to play donkey so much.

oh joyous creation

2008-09-19T21:35:00.004-05:00

labor day has passed, school has started, the days are getting shorter. things are looking pretty grim.

but wait. what's this i see?

an oktoberfest bier?

i am suddenly gleeful.

i love octoberfest beers. the appearance of the first octoberfest beer marks the beginning of my favorite beer season. the next few months will be filled with tasting every available octoberfest creation for 2008. i can't wait to see which ones match up to paulaner's oktoberfest (because that is the oktoberfest by which all other octoberfest beers must be judged).

and if the sheer joy of octoberfest season weren't enough, it's directly followed by my second favorite beer season: the winter brews.

so much to look forward to...

i love this time of year.

more thoughts on friendship (with no associated postulate)

2008-09-19T12:23:00.003-05:00

in this article from the simple dollar, i was pleased to discover a kindred spirit in thoughts on friends. like the author, many of my college friends are no longer in close proximity, and also like the author, i chose new friends based on shared activities. that is a good thing, in my book - i have many activity friends, and have developed good friendships through this avenue. and since being active is core to my being, it works out well.

that said, activity friendships can be limiting, because you may have an activity in common but perhaps not a common value system. do you have a high-income golf buddy that spends every cent? a running pal that mocks and belittles others? a bike friend that spends every night at the bar? a multi-sport friend that constantly complains on her blog? ;)

maybe you have a curling friend who is a successful business owner. a hockey friend who is going to graduate school. a book club companion who is very active in her community.

if you have aspirations of being more than mediocre, surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive. if you're content with your life as it is, never mind all this. but should you be on the never-ending path of self improvement, try making some new friends or spend time with the ones who share similar values and goals. it's something you owe to yourself.

bike more for less accidents

2008-09-16T21:18:00.005-05:00

good news. a study out of the university of new south wales finds that the more bicyclist on the road, the fewer crashes there are with automobiles. in a bit of sensationalistic journalism, they marked this finding as a paradox, since more cyclists should mean more crashes.

how obviously not.

of course, the more you see cyclists on the road, the more aware of them you are going to be, and the more aware you are, the less likely it is that an accident will happen.

i see the awareness effect each spring. i ride a motorcycle, and nobody has seen one for several months (in minnesota, anyway), and it's then that i need to be extra extra careful (as opposed to just extra careful the rest of the year), because motorists just aren't used to looking for bikes. there just isn't any thought that there might be a 2-wheeled vehicle in the vicinity. but on the up side, as people remember that motorcycles exist, they exhibit much better road-sharing tendencies. i feel pretty comfortable on the road this time of year.

so the obvious conclusion we can draw is that we all need to get out there and ride! don't just do group rides on rural roads to nowhere - bike to the grocery store; bike to the farmer's market; bike to the coffee shop. numbers mean more awareness and more respect and more safety for everyone.

two wheels good!

easy listening

2008-09-15T17:52:00.002-05:00

what the heck? it's been 11 days since i've done a post on this blog? i knew i was busy, but jeepers. so on to the topic of the day.

we've had a wonderful summer here in minnesota. some summers, like the past few, have been very hot and humid. i don't have air conditioning, so i am more keenly aware of the weather than most folks. this year, there were only a couple of nights where i found it uncomfortable. and it was certainly nothing a simple switch to a higher fan setting couldn't handle.

during the summer (and in the spring and fall as much as possible), i have the windows in my house open. i love fresh air. i also love the sounds of nature. in the morning the birds chirp, the squirrels chatter and the leaves rustle. sometimes a beetle bumps against a screen, or a bee buzzes around trying to find a way in. right now, the crickets sound like they are having a splendid time.

i have noticed that there don't seem to be as many critter sounds as there used to be. apparently i'm not the only one. bernie kraus, a bioacoustician, has noticed that the sounds of the natural world are vanishing.

sad.

an article about kraus' work contained some wonderful soundscape audio. if you have a moment, then relax, listen and enjoy. perhaps it'll spawn the wish to visit a rainforest near you.

weekend report: heather in town

2008-09-04T22:37:00.004-05:00

one of my college roommates, whom i haven't seen in way too long, was in town for her brother's wedding. we got together to eat dinn'r at big 10, an old favorite college hangout for both of us. it was great to see her and her family. i rode bobbin (my motorcycle), and the kids got a chance to sit in the cockpit.

i promised jason that i would put the pictures up on the internet so the whole world could see them. so here they are. enjoy.

dogs are closer to god

2008-09-02T20:38:00.007-05:00

a friend blogged that she's single because [oversimplifying] she likes to ride her bike too much. my first impression was that of sympathy. i'm single because i like to ride my bike. and play racquetball. and curl. and golf. and motorcycle. and climb.*

but upon further consideration, i'm single because i like most dogs better than i like most people.

i used to think dogs were great because they were always glad to see you. it didn't matter if you came home late and drunk; you were still their favorite person. they just never hold a grudge. and dogs are great for that reason. but after years of intermittent consideration, i've realized that the god-like gift of complete forgiveness is not the foremost reason i hold the canine in such high regard.

this epiphany came while listening to a k.t. tunstall song.

leave it all to me
i will do the right thing
maybe i'll be everything i need
leave it all to me
i will do the right thing
do the right thing

dogs are extraordinary not only because they generally exhibit behavior that any deity would approve of, but because they make me want to be the perfect person they treat me as. and that's the intangible quality i require in a mate: the ability to conjure such admiration that it inherently demands i be my best, selfless, self. the ability to be that person, my friends, is love.

i'm all out of love, all out of faith
i would give everything just for a taste
but everything's here, all out of place
losing my memory, losing the best of me
...saving my face

*i've come to the conclusion that i'm a sports polygamist. i really intensely love doing each one, and for very different reasons, for the very distinct ways in which each challenges my mind and body.

proper paper towel use

2008-09-01T21:35:00.005-05:00

a while back i ranted on about public restrooms. one of my peeves involved excessive use of paper towels. apparently, i'm not the only one bothered by inappropriate bathroom paper towel utilization.

guest towel visa program

:)

another curve ball in the election

2008-08-29T12:56:00.002-05:00

maybe since i'm from minnesota, and everybody here was all atwitter about the possibility of pawlenty being the vice presidential candidate, i didn't see this one coming. mccain chose a woman (gov. sarah palin of alaska) for a running mate. this clinches it - no matter who wins, history will be made. it's either our first minority president or the first woman veep.

i give a nod to mccain for his choice. she's cute. :) it's also a smart choice for a couple other reasons (in my relatively ignorant opinion). he may get a few voters who really wanted to see a woman in the white house, and aren't happy with obama's running mate. and if he wants to play the american oil card, he's positioned himself well.

i bought circus peanuts (aka sugar bombs with artificial coloring) in honor of this historic day.

they were fresh. nummy.

i'm still not voting for you, though.

friendship (postulate #1)

2008-08-26T19:21:00.006-05:00

a good friend will bail you out of jail.
a true friend will be sitting next to you, saying, "boy, that was fun!"

in the big world of web 2.0, there are tons of social networking sites around, such as linkedin, facebook and twitter. i have friends on these sites, but am a rather passive friender. if you find me and want to be my friend, i'm very happy to be your friend. otherwise, i'll just see you in real life.

i have this theory that everything obeys the laws of physics. i'm sure you've heard me blather on about this before, and now i'm going to apply the laws of physics to friendship. to start, let's postulate that each person has a set amount of time and energy available to them on any given day.

next, let's acknowledge that there are different levels of friendship, and that each level of friendship requires a different level of energy.

friend type: acquaintance
characteristics: talk to them at the club; have a beer with them after a ride
energy requirement: minimal (quantified as 1)

ft: actual friend
c: we have gone out to dinn'r; i have invited you to my home
er: moderate (2)

ft: good friend
c: i've driven your drunk ass home; i've picked you up when you were in a bind; i probably owe you money, or you owe money, but neither of us keeps track (except for razzing purposes)
er: high (3)

ft: true friend
c: you've slept in my bed, perhaps because we had sex, or perhaps because i was too drunk to drive your drunk ass home
er: higher (4)

for simplicity, let's make this analysis time-independent. time has all sorts of significant effects on friendship, and good experimental design is based on isolating a single variable. if you're not the scientific type, just trust me on this.

let's say that you have 8 units of time/energy in a day. with minimal math, you can see that if you only had acquaintances, you'd have time for 8 of them. if you had only true friends, you'd have time for 2 of them. from this, we can conclude the following:

friendship postulate #1: the number of friends one can have is inversely proportional to the quality of the friendships.

another year wiser

2008-08-24T22:29:00.008-05:00

i had a birthday this week. i have successfully completed ** years on planet earth. good job me.

i have an affable yet unconcerned attitude toward birthdays. my mommy no longer bakes me a cake*, so there isn't much reason to get too worked up. nonetheless, i do have one unfailing tradition. i take the day off of work. my reasoning is, if i don't have to work on jesus' birthday, i don't have to work on mine.

birthdays are a personal inventory time for me. sort of like my own new year's day. i look back at the big ticket items for the past year: i went somewhere new (seattle); participated in some bonspiels, bike races, racquetball tournaments and golf tournaments; volunteered at women venture; did some home improvements; worked enough to stay financially solvent; took a residential wiring class; completed my 2007 resolution to eat at an alphabet of new restaurants; missed my deadline to get barnithebus.com up and running.

all in all, a good year.

and of course, i also look forward. for the coming year, i'd like to: go somewhere new; compete; volunteer; finish the upstairs remodeling; go live with barni the bus; maintain my weight over the winter months; go to a seminar; take a class; have friends over for dinner once a month; get puppies.

nothing left to do but make it so.

*this seemed to stop around the time where i got too old to blow out all my candles anymore. :-\
**42

no turning back

2008-08-21T14:57:00.002-05:00

the remodeling project has begun. you may follow along on the web if you like.

meaning from abstraction

2008-08-20T11:54:00.001-05:00

do you ever stop to consider all of the assumptions we have in the world that allow us to function? just the other day, i wrote down my name. based on that simple action, i got a bunch of tangible, useful items in return.

think about this for a bit. i flexed the muscles in my hand - while holding a pen and touching it to paper - and somebody gave me some valuable stuff. how abstract is that?

the other day i gave blood. again, i had to move my hand in a prescribed manner, to give my solemn oath that i have not indulged in any bad behavior which may have tainted the vital fluids somebody else may need.

what is so special about a signature? you are merely writing your name. anybody could do it, even a monkey. yet the power of a signature is staggering. scribbling out the letters to my name (in proper order, of course) got me the house i live in. scrawling out someone else's name could send me to jail.

very abstract, indeed.

because i'm feeling impish

2008-08-14T14:12:00.002-05:00

impish. now there's a word that's not used often enough anymore. that and davenport. when i grew up, the big thing in the living room was called a davenport. now, it's called a couch. folks here also eat breakfast, lunch and dinner; i grew up eating breakfast, dinner and supper. funny how three hours on the freeway makes a significant cultural difference.

but anyway, on to my impishness.

yankee doodle went to town
a-riding on a pony
stuck a feather in his hat
and called it macaroni
yankee doodle, keep it up
yankee doodle dandy
mind the music and the step
and with the girls be handy

there.

enjoy singing that little ditty for the rest of the day.

weekend report: uncle chuck's 70th

2008-08-11T14:10:00.002-05:00

the family gathering for this summer centered around chuck's 70th birthday party. as usual, it was good to see everyone, especially the east coasters who seem to have forgotten where the midwest is. most of the family was present, representing factions from duluth, the twin cities, seattle, zion, rochester, and new york mills. unfortunately, we were missing the wichita crew (hope you had a good anniversary).

for everyone's enjoyment, i took a few photos. and of course, have video of the commemorative acrobatics.

i think that was the last of the weekend reports for a while. now i can get back to ranting about stuff.

weekend report: 24 hours of 9 mile

2008-08-04T18:34:00.006-05:00

saturday was the national 24 hour championships at nine mile in wausau, wisconsin. it was hot, dusty, and a completely good time. as a bonus, the participating wednesday mtb girls all made it to the podium.

we (me, dana, janet and nicole, in that order) got a respectable 2nd in the 12 hour women's team event. good job us! we came home with some awesome mugs and swag.

i was happy to be the starter; i like running, even if it's in bike shoes. i got off to a good start, only to play the waiting game at the entrance to the first bit of single track. the first couple sections of singletrack were slow, but eventually everyone got spread out and riding was good. there were only a couple of places where i had to get off the bike and walk, so i was pleased with my riding. riding first in the order meant that i was done first; we each did 2 laps, going through the rotation twice. i was really glad to be the first one finished, but then kind of felt like a weenie because i was putting my bike away when some people were racing for 16 more hours. but it gave me time to concentrate on "rehydrating" and cheering, so it was all good.

valerie got an awesome 2nd place finish in the 12 hour women's solo event. to do that, she rode about 100 miles. wow. good job, valerie!

lynn, husband josh, carrie and husband barry totally annihilated the competition in the 24 hour coed open division. they did four more laps than the 2nd place team (note: these are 14+ mile laps). four. wow. if you had blogs, i'd e-stalk you! ;)

as has become custom, i randomly adopted someone to be my pony (think horse racing) and made a concerted effort to cheer for her.* this time it was #2, a women's solo championship racer whose camp was across the way from us. "you finished another lap already? way to go!" "woo hoo! nice job 2!" "you're heading out for another lap?!" "good job!" "go #2!" from the race results, i see i was cheering on stacey la presta, who got 5th place. good job, stacey!

we also provided extra amounts of cheering** for #130, the solo freak man racer who was next to us. race results show that he is adam beien.*** we owe you a cake, i guess; we'll have one for you next year. good job, adam!

artifacts from the race include: sore muscles, exhaustion, dehydration, sore throat (from all the dust and cheering), sunburned ears, black snot and good memories. i can't wait to do it again.

*she actually thanked us on sunday for the cheering, and said it really helped.
**not to be confused with heckling ("we baked you a cake. but we ate it.")
***adam thanked us for the support, too.

weekend report: hope golf classic

2008-08-03T22:03:00.005-05:00

if you hadn't noticed, the weather in the twin cities on the first friday of august is always nice, and 2008 proved no exception. thank you, mother nature! we appreciate your support for golf for the cure.

this year, one of our typical foursome was not able to golf, as she is battling cancer. her daughter stepped in and did a great job of helping us celebrate the day. terry, everyone missed having you out there with us!

i took a few photos of the beautiful afternoon. enjoy.

tagged

2008-07-29T21:39:00.002-05:00

i've been pseudo-tagged by janet. here are my pseudo-responses.

If you could have any one — and only one — bike in the world, what would it be? for the road, it would obviously have to be custom made, and locally grown, with a steel frame and beautiful lugs (sorry, bb). for off-road, it would obviously be a giant trance 2, since that's what i own. don't gimme the "and only one" thing. it's stupid to hypothesize over unrealistic situations.

Do you already have that coveted dream bike? If so, is it everything you hoped it would be? If not, are you working toward getting it? If you’re not working toward getting it, why not? i am 50% on the dream bikes (sorry, bb).

If you had to choose one — and only one — bike route to do every day for the rest of your life, what would it be, and why? kessel run in fruita, colorado. top down, of course, because it's nonstop twisty goodness!

What kind of sick person would force another person to ride one and only one bike ride to to do for the rest of her / his life? i dunno.

Do you ride both road and mountain bikes? If both, which do you prefer and why? If only one or the other, why are you so narrowminded. yes, both. i prefer mountain biking. road riding can be relaxing or it can be a good workout, but moutain biking is fun; it makes me feel like i'm 12 years old.

Have you ever ridden a recumbent? If so, why? If not, describe the circumstances under which you would ride a recumbent? never tried it. i'd probably fall over laughing at how ridiculous i look.

Have you ever raced a triathlon? If so, have you also ever tried strangling yourself with dental floss? no. and no.

Suppose you were forced to either give up ice cream or bicycles for the rest of your life. Which would you give up, and why. that is stupid. i'd never let anyone force me to give up either.

What do you drink during the post-ride social? Beer or wine? depends on where we go. typically beer, but sometimes margaritas, and sometimes wine.

You’re riding your bike in the wilderness (if you’re a roadie, you’re on a road, but otherwise the surroundings are quite wilderness-like) and you see a bear. The bear sees you. What do you do? make sure i'm pointed downhill and pedal like mad.

the amazing charles

2008-07-28T00:10:00.002-05:00

and now, a brief commercial announcement.

a couple years ago (after 14 years in my house), i had a housewarming party. since the party was a long time coming, i decided to make it a grand affair and hired music and entertainment.

well, the entertainment has since leaped into the 21st century, and has a video on you tube. in addition to awesome balloon hats, the amazing charles does magic and reads minds. kids love him. heck, adults love him. although his home base is up north, he will obviously come down to the metro area to put on a show.* and if you hire him, please invite me, cuz i don't want to miss out on the fun.

and now, back to our program.

*but gas was only $3/gallon back then

new cycling world record

2008-07-26T16:03:00.005-05:00

yah, i should be mowing or making our team t-shirts for nine mile, but i'm surfing the 'net instead. came across an article about a man who set a new world record for underwater cycling.

http://www.ansa.it/site/notizie/awnplus/english/news/2008-07-23_123234635.html

i wonder what the appropriate lube is for saltwater?

my gratitude

2008-07-25T20:34:00.003-05:00

oh. my car is in minneapolis.

i had this thought as i was nearly to the park-n-ride where i usually catch the bus into downtown for work. however, this morning i had a meeting elsewhere, so i drove and parked in minneapolis. of course, by the time i left work, i'd forgotten all about this.

oops.

luckily, there were three gentlemen at the bus stop - having the appearance of being of dubious economic and social status*, and carrying an open case of beer - who kindly guided me on a bus adventure back to minneapolis.

"just follow us."

uh...okay.

we take the bus into st. paul, and when they get off, one of them tells me, "you need to get off here, sweetheart."

then, when a 94d came along, one of them made sure i got on it. "it'll take you right into downtown minneapolis. where do you need to go?"

"central and university."

"okay, then get off at nicollet and get on a 10 or 11 or 17." (good advice, but i did actually know this)

so i learned a new bus route, made it back to my car, and made it home. i extend a heartly thanks to my motley guides. i'd probably still be biking back to my car if it weren't for you.

good karma to you in spades!

*i hesitate to classify people, as it really pisses me off when i get ignored by sales people in stores because i'm not dressed as a stereotypical affluent or have a husband in tow to give me credibility.

when no one is looking

2008-07-21T08:48:00.002-05:00

what do you do when you think nobody else is around? sneak a snack? belch loudly? dance? pop that pimple on your butt?

when you do these things, do you ever consider that someone could be watching you?

someone who? well, for starters, let's consider that god may exist, and may be omnipresent. if this were the case, every human thing you do would therefore be known to god. that's kinda creepy, actually.

now, to get a little off topic, from what i can see, people don't really believe in god. if the afterlife were a sure and glorious thing, we wouldn't spend so much time and money and effort trying to extend our life on earth with medical devices and treatments. why put grandpa on life support? if you believe in god, let him meet his maker.

back on topic, let's also consider that ghosts may exist. remember in the sixth sense when the boy saw dead people right outside of the car window? maybe there's a spirit looking over your shoulder right now, marveling at the trash you read. ;) perhaps your sweet, sweet grandmother is still keeping a watchful eye over you. she could have been watching you the last time you were getting it on.

or maybe you lucked out and she was off visiting friends at the time.

we hope.

postsecret

2008-07-20T22:30:00.005-05:00

i sent a postcard in to postsecret.

i challenge you to do the same.

workout

2008-07-17T13:17:00.003-05:00

i learned something fascinating this morning. even though our brain is a mere 2% of our total body weight, it consumes 20% of our calories.

how come nobody told me this before? i'd have pondered more.

what to do, what to do...

well, to heck with buying the abdominator; write a blog entry instead. and forget about purchasing a treadmill that'll collect dust in the basement; rather, do today's crossword puzzle.

i have a vision of the most popular reality show ever. the biggest loser: sudoku. instead of having leg warmers like the exercise queens of the 80s, contestants will be wearing headbands to warm up their calorie-burning brains.

speaking of tv, this information can only lead to one conclusion: watching tv is double trouble. not only is your body not burning very many calories perched idly at couch command central, your mind isn't doing much, either. the television set could singlehandedly be making us even fatter because we watch mind-numbing, socially isolating shows rather than play interactive, community-building games as our ancestors did. well, darn it, no more! tv will no longer rule my life!*

scrabble, anyone?

*except for days of our lives

people of amazing physical ability

2008-07-15T22:27:00.002-05:00

wow.

i gotta go

2008-07-10T18:31:00.002-05:00

if you have been dying to know what my thoughts were on public restrooms, today is your lucky day.

public restrooms bug me. why? read on.

first, public toilets offer a level of intimacy that i am not fond of. plain and simple, you are exposed to too much information, even if some things you can glean are interesting and even entertaining. for instance, it is a source of mild amusement that you can tell someone isn't wearing underwear with that skirt because there is no fabric swishing sound after the peeing stops and before the door opens. it is interesting to note that some people pull their pants down to their knees, while others drop them to the floor.*

but some bathroom experiences could be done without. i could live a happy life if i never heard my boss fart. note that i lay no direct blame on the boss. i'm accrediting this behavior to the training they get at executive school. i mean, they must teach you where it's appropriate to fart, and obviously a meeting room or well-trafficked office is not the proper place to rip one, so the powder room would therefore be the recommended venue to unleash your superfluous gases. although i've never been to executive school, so i couldn't say for sure.

another point of contention is the ample-to-the-point-of-wasteful use of paper towels. who needs four paper towels to dry your hands? each one is only getting 25% wet. don't you hear the chain saws buzzing away in the distant forest? haven't you heard that our environment is in dire need of co2-absorbing trees? don't you know that all the cool kids are eco-friendly?

and what about the people who pee on the seat?! words actually fail me here - i cannot properly convey how infuriating and disgusting this is. dear seat-pisser, what is your problem with sitting? don't you know that there are way more bacteria on your keyboard than your toilet seat?** sitting on a toilet seat that someone else sat on isn't gross, sitting on a toilet seat that someone else peed on is gross.

makes me wish i were a dog. see a tree, lift your leg.

*as a note to senator larry craig, dropping all the way to the floor is a good way to avoid the perils of wide stance.
**just google it, if you don't believe me. you'll find tens of thousands of articles to back me up on this.

expeditus, patron saint against procrastination

2008-07-08T09:43:00.002-05:00

a little something i found at neatorama that i thought i'd share:

AKA Saint Elpidius, Expeditus was also beheaded in the early 300s. He decided to become a Christian and the devil showed up in the form of a crow, telling him that he could wait until tomorrow to convert. Expeditus stamped the crow under his feet and insisted that he would become a Christian today. That’s it; as of tomorrow I am going to start sending prayers up to Expeditus.

in honor of patron saint expeditus, i'm doing this post today, not tomorrow.

eco-friendly disposable dishes

2008-07-07T11:19:00.002-05:00

disposable plates and silverware are great for parties. use them once, then throw them away, and never think of them again...except that they're sitting in a landfill somewhere.

to mitigate the lasting environmental impression your grand affair makes, check out verterra dinnerware. they have bowls, plates and platters that are made from 100% renewable and compostable plant matter. they contain no chemicals, waxes or dyes, so there are no harmful toxins to leach into your food. and the product degrades in only 2 months.

as a bonus, verterra is also a socially conscious company that uses fair trade labor practices, so you can feel good about how they were made.

bon appetit!

weekend report: levis trow 2008

2008-06-30T22:42:00.005-05:00

this past weekend i played pit crew for valerie and nicole at the wisconsin endurance mountain bike series race at levis trow. so here's the dirt.

this is a really fun place to ride. of course, this is spoken as someone who didn't do the race. 50 or 100 miles of this might make me cry. the course was in mostly good condition, with a few low-lying muddy areas. the course offered ample climbing, with a handful of rooty and rocky uphills that required yours truly to play hike-a-bike (i did a lap for fun).

both racers put in a good effort; i'm proud of you guys. nicole had pulmonary problems and had to pull out of the race, but valerie went all 50 miles - good job!

here's the race video. due to my limited available editing time, i'll clarify a few quotes:
me: "i didn't get the gun!"
mystery guy: "one down!"
nicole: "i'm a special case"
valerie: "this race is really *bleep*ing hard!"
valerie: "yes" (paparazzi: "are you happy to be done?")

valerie did eat pepperoni pizza.

nicole did not eat horse.

isolation

2008-06-26T21:57:00.003-05:00

last tuesday, around 1am, i sent a short barni update via e-mail to my friend eric.

he didn't respond.

huh, that's weird. he usually writes back. oh yeah, he's in wausau this week. i usually don't hear much from him when he is traveling for work. i'll talk to him this weekend.

last sunday, i gave eric a call.

his phone went directly to voice mail.

huh, that's weird. he's usually really good about keeping his phone charged. not this time, i guess. i left a message. "hey, eric. are you coming over? i know we didn't talk this week, but i figured the plan was to get together today and work on barni. give me a call when you get a chance."

he didn't call back.

that stinker ditched me!

monday. he didn't call back.

huh, that's weird. oh, he must have lost his phone. and he probably has no idea what my phone number is without it pre-programmed into his phone. he'll call when he finds it or gets it replaced.

wednesday. 5am. something woke me up.* whatever you want, it bedtime. go away. too late. i'm awake. think, think, think. boy, i can't believe eric hasn't called back yet. maybe he's in wausau again this week. but that's really not like him. maybe he's not calling because he's taken so long to call back that now he's avoiding getting yelled at. not that i yell at him. but i'm starting to get worried. he should have replaced his phone by now.

thursday am. i give eric a call. the phone goes directly to voice mail. again? still? wow, that's weird. maybe something is wrong. well, he couldn't be dead - steve would have read the obit and let me know (yes, i literally thought this). but something is wrong, here. i better do a google search. type in "eric malmgren" and the first entry links to a story with the following headline: 4 dead in crash west of Wausau include siblings

oh. shit.

the article, after i mustered the courage to read it, tells me that eric is in the hospital, not the morgue. further google searching tells me that he was in critical condition, and that he has now been transferred to a hospital in minneapolis. and thanks to hipaa, the hospital in wausau is not able to tell me a damn thing.

nothing else to do but start calling hospitals.

i found him, at hcmc. i left my name and phone number with his nurse in the hopes that his family will approve me as a visitor tomorrow. the family makes that decision? ...not...the...patient? oh. shit.

so here is my sad revelation:

despite the internet, cell phones, instant messaging, and all the other ways of communicating we have available to us today, it still took me a week and a half to figure out that something had happened to a good friend.

maybe i need to be a better friend.

*when this happens, i assume it's someone trying to communicate with me telepathically.

norm coleman ad

2008-06-24T22:05:00.002-05:00

ok, let's first get something straight. i'm not a big fan of norm coleman, and it's quite unlikely that he'll get my vote. but i'm taking some time to write about him for the simple reason that he made me laugh out loud.

a few months ago, there was a story in city pages about "a dumpster-diving expedition by Sen. Norm Coleman that left him sporting a giant gash on his head for last week's State of the Union address. In the post, Coleman claims his actress wife Laurie accidentally tossed an antique lamp that he was then enlisted to retrieve, whacking his head on a "piece of wood" in the process. A couple of questions come to mind about this tale: How does one inadvertently* throw away a lamp? And how does one strike their head on a piece of wood in a dumpster so hard that they "see stars?"

okay, so that's kind of funny in itself. but then i see this ad on tv:

this is a brilliant ad for several reasons. first, it shows his human side - we've all done something klutzy and embarrasing, so we can relate. and empathy gets votes. second, it shows he is able to make light of himself. if you can laugh when the joke is on you, it takes away the power an adversary would otherwise have over you. plus, it shows good self esteem and character. third, if you're not familiar with the background of the story, it makes norm look like a good husband. and last but not least, it's really funny.

this is good stuff.

*spelling of inadvertantly corrected by the editor (aka me)

communication

2008-06-23T11:26:00.004-05:00

communication skills are one of our most valuable abilities, as we spend most of our day interacting with others. today's post stems from two driving forces: 1) i am flat out dismayed at the state of communication skills on a regular basis, and 2) i'm kind of having a case of the orneries this morning.

the following is a list of communication shortcomings, accompanied by gentle yet subtle suggestions for correcting said shortcomings. so here goes.

blogs with poor grammar
come on, people. why in the name of all that is sacred would you use a blog as your vehicle of communication if you suck at writing? why, why, why? in case you hadn't heard, god invented podcasts for you. don't thumb your nose at god; change your vehicle of communication.

phone rudeness
get off of the damn phone when you are dining with others. you are being rude, not to mention displaying your lack of good breeding. if you pay attention, you will notice that truly influential people are not slaves to their phones. in fact, by indulging in such bad phone behaviors, you are telling others that you have a little pee pee, and are trying to make up for it with an inflated sense of self-importance.

complete failure to communicate
romantic (and platonic) relationships often suffer from a dearth of communication. but it should be obvious to any being with sense or sensibility that i'm not psychic; if i were, i'd have made a billion dollars in the stock market already. so speak your mind, and quit being passive aggressive.

mumbling
this is a general communication no-no, but i'm slightly hard of hearing, so this one is exacerbated in my case. i hate having to say "what?" frequently. so if you must say something, say it like you mean it.

have i made myself clear?

capitulate

2008-06-20T12:12:00.002-05:00

i was reading that getting a song stuck in your head is the result of a glitch in your auditory cortex. the advice on getting it to stop was to listen to the whole song [let's take a short recess; i have to go download a song onto my ipod and listen to it; we'll reconvene in 30 minutes. i apologize for any inconvenience.] or do some math [x2 + y2 = 16, y-x=4, solve for x and y].*

i wonder if this is the same area of the brain affected when you get a word stuck in your head? if anybody knows, let me know. the word that hijacked my brain this morning was capitulate. it's fun to say. capitulate.

capitulate.

sadly, i couldn't remember what it meant, which was a little aggravating. i have since looked it up and the meaning is: to accept defeat; acquiesce.

so where was i going with that?

so i says to her, i says, queenie...**

*(x,y)=(-4,0) hey, i just made up those equations, and it came out to whole numbers! good job me.
if that wasn't enough math, you can check out the equation that explains why today is the happiest day of the year.
**generic silence filler credited to grandpa haugen

go ahead, make my day

2008-06-18T22:48:00.004-05:00

today started out kind of average. i got up, went to work, logged in. then, on the way to purchase my morning latte*, serendipity took over. when the elevator door opened, i was a little surprised - but pleased - to see all familiar faces. five former coworkers let out a happy, cohesive "aaah/ohhh" greeting in that wonderful, harmonious pitch that only women can achieve.

well, mark today as banner day.

in my pre-nourished condition, i probably did not properly convey my appreciation**, but it still set the tone for my day. it's nice to be loved.

:)

so.

just as an experiment, do a little something that may be the banner day tipping point for someone else. maybe smile at the homeless guy or hold the door open for a stranger or plug a quarter into someone's meter. or go crazy and leave your business card under your sweetie's windshield wiper with the words "i love you" written on it.

whether they can tell you or not, they'll appreciate it.

*aka milk in a palatable disguise
**i'm pretty sure i managed to blink to indicate i wasn't comatose

attitude

2008-06-16T20:05:00.003-05:00

today will be checked off as a banner day. reason: attitude.

i woke up at 8am, with the sudden uh-oh realization that i hadn't set the alarm and it was monday and i'm currently working. geez, that's three strikes before my feet hit the floor!

however, i donned my rose-tinted glasses and focused on the fact that i felt pretty good because i'd gotten enough sleep. yay!

to further enhance the day, it didn't rain, so i discovered a great new local band. 8 switch assembly played at peavey plaza during lunch. they're a nice, tight band that plays funk and r&b and the sort. they played perhaps the best version of the letter i've ever heard - and joe cocker isn't easy to top.

plus, i finished my quarterly estimated taxes last night (due today), so i had time to do a blog post tonight.

and i blew off mowing my lawn.

hope your day went as well.

recipe for...jell-o cones

2008-06-13T22:07:00.001-05:00

jell-o shots, move over. someone at webmonkey posted a recipe for jell-o cones. it doesn't even sound particularly tasty to me, but its bizarre nature intrigues me nonetheless. believably, it came to the poster in a dream.

here is how you make them:
1. fill the bottom of an ice cream cone to about the half-way point with jell-o (flavor of your choice)
2. fill the rest of the cone with the ice cream flavor of your choice
3. stuff 'em in the freezer until you're ready for a treat

if you try it, let me know what your favorite flavor combos are.

some habits die hard

2008-06-10T17:09:00.000-05:00

i have a secret. i watch days of our lives.*

i've been a faithful viewer since birth. my grandmother watched it, and therefore, so did i. of course, i only watched it during the summer or on sick days as a youngster, but it was enough to make me a lifetime addict.

my habit is easily facilitated with technology; no need to even futz with recordings - i purchase the episodes on itunes. this is the best deal ever.** there are no commercials, so the show is a time-efficient 40 minutes long. and, well, you don't have to watch commercials. and the show never gets interrupted by some news reporter telling you something you don't want to hear.

enjoying soap operas requires one simple personality trait: empathy. if you are an empathetic person, you become vested in the characters. you are smug when the bad guys get what they deserve. you groan when someone trying to change their ways falls back into old patterns. you cry for the mother who loses her child. you ache for that couple to just quit being stubborn and get together.

soaps are a good teacher of life lessons: you made things much worse by lying; people can change; midday nookie is fun; all relationships require forgiveness. of course, they do lead you astray once in a while, like portraying that romance on the beach is a good idea (hel-looo - that sand gets everywhere!). and heeding these lessons isn't as easy as it sounds, as we all know.

but most of all, i treasure the reminder to live well: "like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives."

*now i have no secrets. i feel so free.
**yah, probably a slight exaggeration.

money, love & change

2008-06-05T23:31:00.000-05:00

trey anastasio does one of my favorite songs. it presents a keen interpretation of inter-relationships. the song was not a top 20 hit (i don't think), so it's not widely known to the masses, with the possible exceptions of kexp or current listeners, or fellow owners of the album.

on a side note, it speaks to why i am a proponent of buying an entire album. if i'd only purchased one popular song in mp3 form, i would have missed out on this amazing song. as a bonus, you get the lyrics (usually).

the song goes like so:
I've got a minute, it's sixty tiny pieces of
Your silver dollar, for time is money, money love
Don't set your watch back, who are we to rearrange
These sixty minutes, and I could never count the change

Some live their days hidden from themselves
Afraid of money, love and change
Some live their days hidden from themselves
Afraid of money, love and change

You've got a moment, and give it to a friend
And try to change every minute that you spend
I feel desire measured by the clock above
What will it cost me? Time is money, money love

[chorus]

Well it's funny don't you know
That change is the one thing you can count on
Wondering where does it go
If I had more money I would buy some time

[chorus]

spend your change wisely, my friends.

time

2008-06-04T21:02:00.000-05:00

physics says that time slows down as you approach the speed of light. this, of course, begs the question: what would happen as you approach absolute stillness?

anyone? anyone? bueller?*

well, time would obviously go infinitely fast. so...if you achieved absolute stillness, would you span all time? if you could span all time, then you'd be all-knowing. if so, then to be completely still is to be god.

perhaps when we die, leaping from the physical world to the metaphysical, time ceases to exist for us and we become absolutely still and omnipresent and one with god.

but what the heck is time? it's not a force, or anything physical. its only substantial property is that it can be measured. it's what keeps you and me from occupying the same space. aha - so spanning all time would be to engulf all things physical; this kind of makes sense, as mass approaches infinity as you approach the speed of light. so maybe time is god.

yes.

i knew it - time is more important than money.

*yes, i know this is physics, not economics