isolation

last tuesday, around 1am, i sent a short barni update via e-mail to my friend eric.

he didn't respond.

huh, that's weird. he usually writes back. oh yeah, he's in wausau this week. i usually don't hear much from him when he is traveling for work. i'll talk to him this weekend.

last sunday, i gave eric a call.

his phone went directly to voice mail.

huh, that's weird. he's usually really good about keeping his phone charged. not this time, i guess. i left a message. "hey, eric. are you coming over? i know we didn't talk this week, but i figured the plan was to get together today and work on barni. give me a call when you get a chance."

he didn't call back.

that stinker ditched me!

monday. he didn't call back.

huh, that's weird. oh, he must have lost his phone. and he probably has no idea what my phone number is without it pre-programmed into his phone. he'll call when he finds it or gets it replaced.

wednesday. 5am. something woke me up.* whatever you want, it bedtime. go away. too late. i'm awake. think, think, think. boy, i can't believe eric hasn't called back yet. maybe he's in wausau again this week. but that's really not like him. maybe he's not calling because he's taken so long to call back that now he's avoiding getting yelled at. not that i yell at him. but i'm starting to get worried. he should have replaced his phone by now.

thursday am. i give eric a call. the phone goes directly to voice mail. again? still? wow, that's weird. maybe something is wrong. well, he couldn't be dead - steve would have read the obit and let me know (yes, i literally thought this). but something is wrong, here. i better do a google search. type in "eric malmgren" and the first entry links to a story with the following headline: 4 dead in crash west of Wausau include siblings

oh. shit.

the article, after i mustered the courage to read it, tells me that eric is in the hospital, not the morgue. further google searching tells me that he was in critical condition, and that he has now been transferred to a hospital in minneapolis. and thanks to hipaa, the hospital in wausau is not able to tell me a damn thing.

nothing else to do but start calling hospitals.

i found him, at hcmc. i left my name and phone number with his nurse in the hopes that his family will approve me as a visitor tomorrow. the family makes that decision? ...not...the...patient? oh. shit.

so here is my sad revelation:

despite the internet, cell phones, instant messaging, and all the other ways of communicating we have available to us today, it still took me a week and a half to figure out that something had happened to a good friend.

maybe i need to be a better friend.

*when this happens, i assume it's someone trying to communicate with me telepathically.

norm coleman ad

ok, let's first get something straight. i'm not a big fan of norm coleman, and it's quite unlikely that he'll get my vote. but i'm taking some time to write about him for the simple reason that he made me laugh out loud.

a few months ago, there was a story in city pages about "a dumpster-diving expedition by Sen. Norm Coleman that left him sporting a giant gash on his head for last week's State of the Union address. In the post, Coleman claims his actress wife Laurie accidentally tossed an antique lamp that he was then enlisted to retrieve, whacking his head on a "piece of wood" in the process. A couple of questions come to mind about this tale: How does one inadvertently* throw away a lamp? And how does one strike their head on a piece of wood in a dumpster so hard that they "see stars?"

okay, so that's kind of funny in itself. but then i see this ad on tv:



this is a brilliant ad for several reasons. first, it shows his human side - we've all done something klutzy and embarrasing, so we can relate. and empathy gets votes. second, it shows he is able to make light of himself. if you can laugh when the joke is on you, it takes away the power an adversary would otherwise have over you. plus, it shows good self esteem and character. third, if you're not familiar with the background of the story, it makes norm look like a good husband. and last but not least, it's really funny.

this is good stuff.

*spelling of inadvertantly corrected by the editor (aka me)

communication

communication skills are one of our most valuable abilities, as we spend most of our day interacting with others. today's post stems from two driving forces: 1) i am flat out dismayed at the state of communication skills on a regular basis, and 2) i'm kind of having a case of the orneries this morning.

the following is a list of communication shortcomings, accompanied by gentle yet subtle suggestions for correcting said shortcomings. so here goes.

blogs with poor grammar
come on, people. why in the name of all that is sacred would you use a blog as your vehicle of communication if you suck at writing? why, why, why? in case you hadn't heard, god invented podcasts for you. don't thumb your nose at god; change your vehicle of communication.

phone rudeness
get off of the damn phone when you are dining with others. you are being rude, not to mention displaying your lack of good breeding. if you pay attention, you will notice that truly influential people are not slaves to their phones. in fact, by indulging in such bad phone behaviors, you are telling others that you have a little pee pee, and are trying to make up for it with an inflated sense of self-importance.

complete failure to communicate
romantic (and platonic) relationships often suffer from a dearth of communication. but it should be obvious to any being with sense or sensibility that i'm not psychic; if i were, i'd have made a billion dollars in the stock market already. so speak your mind, and quit being passive aggressive.

mumbling
this is a general communication no-no, but i'm slightly hard of hearing, so this one is exacerbated in my case. i hate having to say "what?" frequently. so if you must say something, say it like you mean it.

have i made myself clear?

capitulate

i was reading that getting a song stuck in your head is the result of a glitch in your auditory cortex. the advice on getting it to stop was to listen to the whole song [let's take a short recess; i have to go download a song onto my ipod and listen to it; we'll reconvene in 30 minutes. i apologize for any inconvenience.] or do some math [x2 + y2 = 16, y-x=4, solve for x and y].*

i wonder if this is the same area of the brain affected when you get a word stuck in your head? if anybody knows, let me know. the word that hijacked my brain this morning was capitulate. it's fun to say. capitulate.

capitulate.

sadly, i couldn't remember what it meant, which was a little aggravating. i have since looked it up and the meaning is: to accept defeat; acquiesce.

so where was i going with that?

so i says to her, i says, queenie...**


*(x,y)=(-4,0) hey, i just made up those equations, and it came out to whole numbers! good job me.
if that wasn't enough math, you can check out the equation that explains why today is the happiest day of the year.
**generic silence filler credited to grandpa haugen

go ahead, make my day

today started out kind of average. i got up, went to work, logged in. then, on the way to purchase my morning latte*, serendipity took over. when the elevator door opened, i was a little surprised - but pleased - to see all familiar faces. five former coworkers let out a happy, cohesive "aaah/ohhh" greeting in that wonderful, harmonious pitch that only women can achieve.

well, mark today as banner day.

in my pre-nourished condition, i probably did not properly convey my appreciation**, but it still set the tone for my day. it's nice to be loved.

:)

so.

just as an experiment, do a little something that may be the banner day tipping point for someone else. maybe smile at the homeless guy or hold the door open for a stranger or plug a quarter into someone's meter. or go crazy and leave your business card under your sweetie's windshield wiper with the words "i love you" written on it.

whether they can tell you or not, they'll appreciate it.


*aka milk in a palatable disguise
**i'm pretty sure i managed to blink to indicate i wasn't comatose