weekend report: levis trow 2008

this past weekend i played pit crew for valerie and nicole at the wisconsin endurance mountain bike series race at levis trow. so here's the dirt.

this is a really fun place to ride. of course, this is spoken as someone who didn't do the race. 50 or 100 miles of this might make me cry. the course was in mostly good condition, with a few low-lying muddy areas. the course offered ample climbing, with a handful of rooty and rocky uphills that required yours truly to play hike-a-bike (i did a lap for fun).

both racers put in a good effort; i'm proud of you guys. nicole had pulmonary problems and had to pull out of the race, but valerie went all 50 miles - good job!

here's the race video. due to my limited available editing time, i'll clarify a few quotes:
me: "i didn't get the gun!"
mystery guy: "one down!"
nicole: "i'm a special case"
valerie: "this race is really *bleep*ing hard!"
valerie: "yes" (paparazzi: "are you happy to be done?")

valerie did eat pepperoni pizza.

nicole did not eat horse.

isolation

last tuesday, around 1am, i sent a short barni update via e-mail to my friend eric.

he didn't respond.

huh, that's weird. he usually writes back. oh yeah, he's in wausau this week. i usually don't hear much from him when he is traveling for work. i'll talk to him this weekend.

last sunday, i gave eric a call.

his phone went directly to voice mail.

huh, that's weird. he's usually really good about keeping his phone charged. not this time, i guess. i left a message. "hey, eric. are you coming over? i know we didn't talk this week, but i figured the plan was to get together today and work on barni. give me a call when you get a chance."

he didn't call back.

that stinker ditched me!

monday. he didn't call back.

huh, that's weird. oh, he must have lost his phone. and he probably has no idea what my phone number is without it pre-programmed into his phone. he'll call when he finds it or gets it replaced.

wednesday. 5am. something woke me up.* whatever you want, it bedtime. go away. too late. i'm awake. think, think, think. boy, i can't believe eric hasn't called back yet. maybe he's in wausau again this week. but that's really not like him. maybe he's not calling because he's taken so long to call back that now he's avoiding getting yelled at. not that i yell at him. but i'm starting to get worried. he should have replaced his phone by now.

thursday am. i give eric a call. the phone goes directly to voice mail. again? still? wow, that's weird. maybe something is wrong. well, he couldn't be dead - steve would have read the obit and let me know (yes, i literally thought this). but something is wrong, here. i better do a google search. type in "eric malmgren" and the first entry links to a story with the following headline: 4 dead in crash west of Wausau include siblings

oh. shit.

the article, after i mustered the courage to read it, tells me that eric is in the hospital, not the morgue. further google searching tells me that he was in critical condition, and that he has now been transferred to a hospital in minneapolis. and thanks to hipaa, the hospital in wausau is not able to tell me a damn thing.

nothing else to do but start calling hospitals.

i found him, at hcmc. i left my name and phone number with his nurse in the hopes that his family will approve me as a visitor tomorrow. the family makes that decision? ...not...the...patient? oh. shit.

so here is my sad revelation:

despite the internet, cell phones, instant messaging, and all the other ways of communicating we have available to us today, it still took me a week and a half to figure out that something had happened to a good friend.

maybe i need to be a better friend.

*when this happens, i assume it's someone trying to communicate with me telepathically.

norm coleman ad

ok, let's first get something straight. i'm not a big fan of norm coleman, and it's quite unlikely that he'll get my vote. but i'm taking some time to write about him for the simple reason that he made me laugh out loud.

a few months ago, there was a story in city pages about "a dumpster-diving expedition by Sen. Norm Coleman that left him sporting a giant gash on his head for last week's State of the Union address. In the post, Coleman claims his actress wife Laurie accidentally tossed an antique lamp that he was then enlisted to retrieve, whacking his head on a "piece of wood" in the process. A couple of questions come to mind about this tale: How does one inadvertently* throw away a lamp? And how does one strike their head on a piece of wood in a dumpster so hard that they "see stars?"

okay, so that's kind of funny in itself. but then i see this ad on tv:



this is a brilliant ad for several reasons. first, it shows his human side - we've all done something klutzy and embarrasing, so we can relate. and empathy gets votes. second, it shows he is able to make light of himself. if you can laugh when the joke is on you, it takes away the power an adversary would otherwise have over you. plus, it shows good self esteem and character. third, if you're not familiar with the background of the story, it makes norm look like a good husband. and last but not least, it's really funny.

this is good stuff.

*spelling of inadvertantly corrected by the editor (aka me)

communication

communication skills are one of our most valuable abilities, as we spend most of our day interacting with others. today's post stems from two driving forces: 1) i am flat out dismayed at the state of communication skills on a regular basis, and 2) i'm kind of having a case of the orneries this morning.

the following is a list of communication shortcomings, accompanied by gentle yet subtle suggestions for correcting said shortcomings. so here goes.

blogs with poor grammar
come on, people. why in the name of all that is sacred would you use a blog as your vehicle of communication if you suck at writing? why, why, why? in case you hadn't heard, god invented podcasts for you. don't thumb your nose at god; change your vehicle of communication.

phone rudeness
get off of the damn phone when you are dining with others. you are being rude, not to mention displaying your lack of good breeding. if you pay attention, you will notice that truly influential people are not slaves to their phones. in fact, by indulging in such bad phone behaviors, you are telling others that you have a little pee pee, and are trying to make up for it with an inflated sense of self-importance.

complete failure to communicate
romantic (and platonic) relationships often suffer from a dearth of communication. but it should be obvious to any being with sense or sensibility that i'm not psychic; if i were, i'd have made a billion dollars in the stock market already. so speak your mind, and quit being passive aggressive.

mumbling
this is a general communication no-no, but i'm slightly hard of hearing, so this one is exacerbated in my case. i hate having to say "what?" frequently. so if you must say something, say it like you mean it.

have i made myself clear?

capitulate

i was reading that getting a song stuck in your head is the result of a glitch in your auditory cortex. the advice on getting it to stop was to listen to the whole song [let's take a short recess; i have to go download a song onto my ipod and listen to it; we'll reconvene in 30 minutes. i apologize for any inconvenience.] or do some math [x2 + y2 = 16, y-x=4, solve for x and y].*

i wonder if this is the same area of the brain affected when you get a word stuck in your head? if anybody knows, let me know. the word that hijacked my brain this morning was capitulate. it's fun to say. capitulate.

capitulate.

sadly, i couldn't remember what it meant, which was a little aggravating. i have since looked it up and the meaning is: to accept defeat; acquiesce.

so where was i going with that?

so i says to her, i says, queenie...**


*(x,y)=(-4,0) hey, i just made up those equations, and it came out to whole numbers! good job me.
if that wasn't enough math, you can check out the equation that explains why today is the happiest day of the year.
**generic silence filler credited to grandpa haugen

go ahead, make my day

today started out kind of average. i got up, went to work, logged in. then, on the way to purchase my morning latte*, serendipity took over. when the elevator door opened, i was a little surprised - but pleased - to see all familiar faces. five former coworkers let out a happy, cohesive "aaah/ohhh" greeting in that wonderful, harmonious pitch that only women can achieve.

well, mark today as banner day.

in my pre-nourished condition, i probably did not properly convey my appreciation**, but it still set the tone for my day. it's nice to be loved.

:)

so.

just as an experiment, do a little something that may be the banner day tipping point for someone else. maybe smile at the homeless guy or hold the door open for a stranger or plug a quarter into someone's meter. or go crazy and leave your business card under your sweetie's windshield wiper with the words "i love you" written on it.

whether they can tell you or not, they'll appreciate it.


*aka milk in a palatable disguise
**i'm pretty sure i managed to blink to indicate i wasn't comatose

attitude

today will be checked off as a banner day. reason: attitude.

i woke up at 8am, with the sudden uh-oh realization that i hadn't set the alarm and it was monday and i'm currently working. geez, that's three strikes before my feet hit the floor!

however, i donned my rose-tinted glasses and focused on the fact that i felt pretty good because i'd gotten enough sleep. yay!

to further enhance the day, it didn't rain, so i discovered a great new local band. 8 switch assembly played at peavey plaza during lunch. they're a nice, tight band that plays funk and r&b and the sort. they played perhaps the best version of the letter i've ever heard - and joe cocker isn't easy to top.

plus, i finished my quarterly estimated taxes last night (due today), so i had time to do a blog post tonight.

and i blew off mowing my lawn.

hope your day went as well.

recipe for...jell-o cones

jell-o shots, move over. someone at webmonkey posted a recipe for jell-o cones. it doesn't even sound particularly tasty to me, but its bizarre nature intrigues me nonetheless. believably, it came to the poster in a dream.

here is how you make them:
1. fill the bottom of an ice cream cone to about the half-way point with jell-o (flavor of your choice)
2. fill the rest of the cone with the ice cream flavor of your choice
3. stuff 'em in the freezer until you're ready for a treat

if you try it, let me know what your favorite flavor combos are.

some habits die hard

i have a secret. i watch days of our lives.*

i've been a faithful viewer since birth. my grandmother watched it, and therefore, so did i. of course, i only watched it during the summer or on sick days as a youngster, but it was enough to make me a lifetime addict.

my habit is easily facilitated with technology; no need to even futz with recordings - i purchase the episodes on itunes. this is the best deal ever.** there are no commercials, so the show is a time-efficient 40 minutes long. and, well, you don't have to watch commercials. and the show never gets interrupted by some news reporter telling you something you don't want to hear.

enjoying soap operas requires one simple personality trait: empathy. if you are an empathetic person, you become vested in the characters. you are smug when the bad guys get what they deserve. you groan when someone trying to change their ways falls back into old patterns. you cry for the mother who loses her child. you ache for that couple to just quit being stubborn and get together.

soaps are a good teacher of life lessons: you made things much worse by lying; people can change; midday nookie is fun; all relationships require forgiveness. of course, they do lead you astray once in a while, like portraying that romance on the beach is a good idea (hel-looo - that sand gets everywhere!). and heeding these lessons isn't as easy as it sounds, as we all know.

but most of all, i treasure the reminder to live well: "like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives."


*now i have no secrets. i feel so free.
**yah, probably a slight exaggeration.

money, love & change

trey anastasio does one of my favorite songs. it presents a keen interpretation of inter-relationships. the song was not a top 20 hit (i don't think), so it's not widely known to the masses, with the possible exceptions of kexp or current listeners, or fellow owners of the album.

on a side note, it speaks to why i am a proponent of buying an entire album. if i'd only purchased one popular song in mp3 form, i would have missed out on this amazing song. as a bonus, you get the lyrics (usually).

the song goes like so:
I've got a minute, it's sixty tiny pieces of
Your silver dollar, for time is money, money love
Don't set your watch back, who are we to rearrange
These sixty minutes, and I could never count the change

Some live their days hidden from themselves
Afraid of money, love and change
Some live their days hidden from themselves
Afraid of money, love and change

You've got a moment, and give it to a friend
And try to change every minute that you spend
I feel desire measured by the clock above
What will it cost me? Time is money, money love

[chorus]

Well it's funny don't you know
That change is the one thing you can count on
Wondering where does it go
If I had more money I would buy some time

[chorus]

spend your change wisely, my friends.

time

physics says that time slows down as you approach the speed of light. this, of course, begs the question: what would happen as you approach absolute stillness?

anyone? anyone? bueller?*

well, time would obviously go infinitely fast. so...if you achieved absolute stillness, would you span all time? if you could span all time, then you'd be all-knowing. if so, then to be completely still is to be god.

perhaps when we die, leaping from the physical world to the metaphysical, time ceases to exist for us and we become absolutely still and omnipresent and one with god.

but what the heck is time? it's not a force, or anything physical. its only substantial property is that it can be measured. it's what keeps you and me from occupying the same space. aha - so spanning all time would be to engulf all things physical; this kind of makes sense, as mass approaches infinity as you approach the speed of light. so maybe time is god.

yes.

i knew it - time is more important than money.

*yes, i know this is physics, not economics

music flashbacks

while working on the computer today, i decided to make another small dent in the pile of cds that needs to be imported into itunes. got a dozen or so done. good job me. in doing so, i came across some gems that haven't seen light of day in quite a while.

the first was white light riot (atomism). jump on the band wagon now, folks - these guys are going to be big. they were fabulous last summer at peavey plaza. i enjoyed the show so much that i bought a cd. i would later find, much to my delight, a hand-written note inside, thanking me for supporting local music, and the inside of the cover was autographed by the band members. it was numbered 3 of 100, so i expect it to be quite the collector's item one day.

the other treasure was dishwalla (opaline). the song angels or devils puts me in a remote place, even today.

it makes me sad to witness the death of music on a physical media. i have such fond memories of getting a new cd (or album, way back). it was a ritual. first, i'd play the song(s) i knew, reading the lyrics and inevitably discovering that i'd been singing some of them wrong. next, play the album through while studying every detail of the cover, maybe replaying the ones i knew, memorizing the lyrics to each song. and finally, play my favorites over and over until i'm sure it drove my mother nuts.

i love hearing an old favorite song. i'm transformed into the person i was at the time it first became a favorite. the present time and adult worries melt away until only the core of who i was back then is left.

huh. perhaps time travel is possible. into the past, at least.